I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
