put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
kristin has been a bad kristin
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
