By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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