The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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