I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
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he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
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I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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