sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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