So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
