the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize