I have demons in me.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
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Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
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We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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