Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
