I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
