farters have to be the big spoon...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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