His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
