Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize