Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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