Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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