I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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