remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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