By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
