He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
