I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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