awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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