On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
and she was petting her beer can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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