There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
