My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My vagina just clenched in fear
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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