how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize