That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
