FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
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I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
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I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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