You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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