drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
