Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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