The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
