I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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