I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
