How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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