he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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