I am spending my child support on dildos
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
