they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
