I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
