You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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