so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
