dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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