I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
