I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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