someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize