I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
