I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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