life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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