I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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