i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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