and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
