Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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