if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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