Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
stop calling my apartment porn island.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
