I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
