Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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