That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
