I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
