My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize