i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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