If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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